i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
