Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize