Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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