Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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