Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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