After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
