I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
