i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize