My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
