Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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