are you so shy because you have an std?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
