my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
