The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
