my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
