what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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