I wish I could teleport
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
