I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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