and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize