paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I deserve this hangover.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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