Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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