i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
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