So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
