Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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