We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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