I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
