I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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