thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
