Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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