i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
