is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
