if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He? As in you personified your dick?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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