Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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