Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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