i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
