Only a mothe r could love this liver
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
