where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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