Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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