i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
