well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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