First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
