I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
