he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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