Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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