I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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