it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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