I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
