i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
