You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
