The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
