She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
