Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
