i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
