Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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