When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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