need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
