I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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