your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
