sorry about calling you the devil all night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
