It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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