And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
