Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
