Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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