so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
