girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
