we have officially lost it.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
