Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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