so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
