we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
