The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
