The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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