Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
