you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
